i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
