i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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