someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
