I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
