I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
