the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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