I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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