i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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