so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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