i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
