That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
