Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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