My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
