It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
