Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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