he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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