found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
