I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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