yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
