Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
