So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
