My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
