We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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