So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
