I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize