my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
