i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
