Already got asked if we're dating
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
