We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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