Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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