Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?