New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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