So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I could make wine with my vomit
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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