So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.