remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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