just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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