If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize