I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
