I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
