Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
