he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
