i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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