I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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