Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So here I am, sexting at work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
