There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
