I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
