God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
