Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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