I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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