I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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