I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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