I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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