Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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