The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
