I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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