anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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