i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
