This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
