apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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