ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
