I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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