I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
