Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
