i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
