I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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