The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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