I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
