Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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