and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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