she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
